Travel doesn’t make you better than me

This is not directed at anyone specifically, I have lots of friends who travel, rest assured this is not about you. Pleas no hurt feelings, if you have an argument, say it. I want to listen. But don’t feel like I’m targeting people. I’m not. This is my opinion. Fuck off.
(And I mean that in the most respectful, positive way possible. But I have to keep the voice of this blog on point.)

I’m a person who has traveled. Not a lot according to some standards, and most of it when I was too young to remember or appreciate it. But I’ve noticed a trend lately of people traveling or talking nonstop about how they want to travel and their number one argument boggles my mind.

They say they want to learn about other cultures and experience life to the fullest.

That’s fucking bull shit.

There are a few people I know who do travel and have learned a lot and those are the good ones. You should stop reading this because I just know that no matter how many times I try to clarify that I do not mean you, at least one of you will be offended (omg, that last one was totally about YOU and how sensitive you are to taking offense about things omgomgomg).

It’s bull shit because most people who go abroad use it as an excuse to gloat to the neophyte humans they return home to. And they gloat HARD.

“Oh, here’s my white well nourished face next to this impoverished black child from when I went to Africa and built a (well, school, chair, what the fuck ever) in his village.”
Oh yeah? What’s his name? Don’t remember? Yeah, all that patting on the back might have caused some memory loss.Sure glad I donated money to you so you could have the trip of a lifetime and take all the glory.

Or, “yeah I traveled through Europe, saved a ton of money and met so many new people by staying in hostels”
Well first get off my couch, you undoubtedly have bedbugs. If not crabs. Also, Cool so you hung out with like minded people in roughly the same financial situation as you from places that aren’t the place that you’re visiting and supposedly learning about? Yeah good thing you saved all that money, how are you still broke? Oh, all the people in your hostel wanted to party all night every night? I’m sure you took in a lot of information during your blackout on whatever local booze you all lived on for a week. How’s that language you wanted to learn coming? Hahahahahaha oh right, you forgot about wanting to learn that on your flight over, didn’t you?

How about “I don’t understand how these bad things happen to good people. But I’ve gained valuable life experience!”
Lost all your money, documentation and kidneys? Maybe that friendly local guy who said he’d give you a lift to the hotel for cheaper than a cab couldn’t be trusted *gasp* and maybe not bothering to research a place ahead of time doesn’t make you a free-spirit so much as it makes you kind of an idiot. You lucked the fuck out by not dying, don’t act like you did everything right and SOMEHOW these bad things just always happen to you. Oh and also, you didn’t learn a thing. you left your new phone on the table at the coffee shop an hour ago. I tried to tell you but you wouldn’t shut up about all the pictures you took with your old one that were so amazing and you wish you could show me.

Get a life.

The world around us is so multi-cultural, the farthest you need to travel is downtown in any major city (oh but the crime rates! fuck you the crime rates, you were robbed next to a canal in Venice you goddamned snob). Not to mention with the global unrest in the world, no one wants you anywhere. Especially if you’re a white face with a naive and condescending attitude. Not to mention the GODDAMNED INTERNET. You want to learn about a culture? There are a zillion resources at your fingertips. You don’t need to BE Marco Polo because Marco Polo already did fucking work! Have you ever read a book about him? Probably not or you’d know that argument is a bad one because he more than likely didn’t travel half the distance he claimed to and made up most of his stories from people he shared a cell with in JAIL. Fucking google it.

I’m not saying don’t travel, I’m not saying that everyone who travels is a bad person. There is also nothing wrong with travel for the sake of taking a vacation if that’s what you find relaxing. What I am saying, is to those who choose to shove it down my throat… THIS is what is going on in my head. Sure, part of it’s jealousy that I don’t have that kind of cash. Some of it’s me over compensating because the wildest thing I’ve ever done was get way too drunk and stay out until 4 am in a big city when I was still getting used to going to bars by myself. But mostly, you’re a pain in the ass who doesn’t reflect on your own life or the actions therein, and you might as well stop trying to make yourself sound good.


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